If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
ok first of all what the fuck
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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