there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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