Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
