just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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