The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize