your thong is hanging out like whoa
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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