you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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