it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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