I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
