This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
