you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
