roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
