I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
