yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
