My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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