mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
