Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
