You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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