PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
where am i from again
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
