I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
