I just pynch a tree in the face
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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