I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
