the condom got lost in my hair
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
