I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize