ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
did i just pee glitter
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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