He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
