What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
