When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize