Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
