wat bout pragnant strippers??
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
