What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
