"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he fucked my hip out of place.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
