Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
