after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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