i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Your cock deserves a montage
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
