Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I will pee on everything he values.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
