i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
