OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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