Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
