operation have a gay friend backfired
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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