Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize