16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
