i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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