Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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