You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
