I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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