I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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