normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
