Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
