This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
