At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize