people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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