We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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