Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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