What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
