the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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