Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This baby is an asshole
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
