There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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