It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
