The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
